Tag Archives: Depression

Lies and Distractions

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sunset bella vista CA

It is much more important to study and pay attention to the ways of God than the ways of Satan.   The ways of Satan are lies and distractions.  That is all you need to give attention to.  Anymore and you have fallen for his trap.  He will try time and time again to distract those who are called to impact the Kingdom for the glory of God.  Don’t waste your time analyzing his schemes.  The second you recognize one of his distractions bind it in Jesus name and move your eyes swiftly back to Christ and what God is doing.

Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith… –Hebrews 12:1-2

 

A Good Word

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Tree of life

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. –Proverbs 13:12

When we somehow misplace our hope worry often sets in, and worry brings anxiety.   And anxiety in the heart of man causes depression…

But a good word makes it glad! –Proverbs 12:25

Depression is a terrible illness where the heart has become sick.  The Bible’s simple medicine for this is a good word.

A good word always releases hope because a good word is from God and He is the God of all hope.

We all need hope.  We desire it!  And when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.

I have purposed my life to be the same as David:

One thing I have desired of the LORD, that I will seek:

That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD. –Psalm 27:4

Our Christian walk is not just asking, seeking and knocking—that’s only half of it.  The other half is receiving, finding and doors being opened.

Pursue God with all your heart and He will respond and fill you with hope.  Do not give way to the enemy and stop paying so much attention to what Satan is doing.  Ask God what He is doing and pay attention to that.

I prayed that this would be a good word for someone today and I am releasing hope to you now in Jesus name.

The LORD will give strength to His people; the LORD will bless His people with peace. –Psalm 29:11

God Has Not Left You!

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Yesterday I wrote about questioning the Lord with where we are in life and our current circumstances—job, church, relationships, ministries, living and financial situations.   It can be read here.  God seemed to use the post to encourage a lot of people so praise the Lord!  This morning He has led me to share a short testimony about a season I went through recently.  I hope this can encourage you to continue seeking the Lord even in times of doubt—in fact those seasons of doubt are when we should be pressing in even more.  I know that with myself when I have entered a season of doubt it is usually because I have not been hearing from God, and as a result of failing to hear Him I start to doubt the things He has told me in the past.  If you are in one of those seasons right now I would encourage you to never lose hope.  God will show up.

About a year ago God put a clear call on my life to move to Georgia from California.  My relationship with the Lord was strong at this point and I was quite excited to see what He had in store.  My wife and I followed His leading and packed everything up and moved cross country.  The whole ride there the presence of God was with us and I was very encouraged by this.  However after I arrived it was not as I thought.  Not Georgia, but my relationship with God.  It was as if He disappeared.  Here I was who had traveled across the country and left everything that was familiar to follow Jesus.  But Jesus was nowhere to be found.  It’s not that I wasn’t getting fed.  I was reading my bible and going to an awesome little church.  I was fellowshipping with other believers but I didn’t have that personal communion with the Lord.  What was wrong I thought?

I prayed and had people pray for me.  I figured it was just an adjusting period and I would find that communion back pretty soon.  But I didn’t.  This went on for a couple months and the Lord was nowhere to be found.  I started getting very anxious and depressed and from this I started to doubt everything.  What was I doing here on the other side of the country?  Why did I even move?  Is God even there? This got worse and worse but I did not give up.   I remained faithful with prayer and reading my bible and then one morning out of nowhere—God was there.

I woke up at about 5am and checked my phone.  I had an email notification of a blog that I followed.  I started reading it and though I don’t remember what it said, God spoke to me through it.  From that His presence filled the room.  I had never felt the glory of God so thick before.  I started crying and had to leave the room so I didn’t wake up my wife.  I went into the bathroom and God followed me in there.  He remained there with me for a good 2-3 hours.  I cried to Him, talked to Him and really just hung out with the Lord for a couple hours.  I remember being like a little kid frantically saying, “Don’t ever leave me again!”

The reality of that is that He never had.  He was with me the whole time but for whatever reason I just wasn’t “feeling” His presence.  It’s important to know that whenever we do not seem to be hearing from the Lord and we are not feeling His presence it never means He is not with you.  He loves His children and always watches over them.  He will though from time to time withdraw His presence from us to test us and teach us things.

2 Chronicles 32:31 says, God withdrew from him, in order to test him, that He might know all that was in his heart.

If you’re going through one of these seasons today I would encourage you to remain hopeful.  God’s presence will show up.  He hasn’t left you.  Keep pressing into the Lord and you will come out of this in a stronger communion than you have ever had before.  I pray that this post would speak to you and even so that the presence of God would be ushered into your heart as you read these words.

Jesus says:

Those the Father has given to Me will come to Me, and I will never reject them. –John 6:37

God is with you now.  May the veil be removed and give you eyes to see in Jesus name.

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Without Jesus I can do nothing…

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“The Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do…” –John 5:19

These words of Jesus are the perfect example of the biblical meekness and humility that God is calling us to in our relationship with Him.

Jesus said He can do NOTHING of Himself without the Father!

He then later told the disciples this:

I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. –John 15:5

I’m realizing that throughout my life I have done a lot of nothing! I have set out to do many things without God and though some of these things may be viewed as earthly successes none of them brought my life fulfillment. I walked without the Lord for over ten years of my adult life trying to accomplish “things” and pursuing dreams. You know what would happen after I reached a dream? I felt completely lost. It drove me to depression. Dreams of success by the world’s standards did not bring me one ounce of fulfillment.

After dedicating my life to the Lord things started to make more sense. The void I always felt was lifted and life had meaning to it for the first time since being a child. I’ve been realizing something lately though; I still do many things without God. I try to conquer sin without God, I try to minister without God, sometimes I even try to pray without God. I’m throwing in the towel on my self-efforts of “accomplishing God’s will.” We don’t accomplish God’s will; God does His will through us as He so chooses!

I have to pray more and ask the Helper (Holy Spirit) to help me more. I need more help than I thought. I need more God than I thought.

Without God many things are impossible. Without God I am depressed and hopeless. Without God I am a prisoner. Without God life is meaningless.

But…

With God all things are possible! (Matt 19:26)

With God I am filled with hope and joy! (Romans 15:13)

With God I am set free! (2 Cor 3:17)

With God I have purpose! (Jer 29:11)

Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.”

I always found this verse interesting because a truly meek person doesn’t want the earth, but that’s how God works. He raises up the humble and through them accomplishes exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ask or think. Let God’s love and presence completely over power you and consume your life. Ask God to ignite a spark in you that will develop into a full fire of passion for more of Him.

God is all I want.

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Spiritual Warfare: Unknowingly Fighting for the Wrong Side

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In my distress I cried to the LORD and He heard me.  –Psalm 120:1

Sometimes losing a battle can actually bring victory for our spirit because we are fighting for the wrong side.  I was recently involved in a spiritual battle and unknowingly I was fighting against God.  I was battling to understand His ways and I was battling for Him to react in certain ways that I thought He should react… But guess what? God did not respond in the ways that I thought He should.  This angered me and threw me into a battle of my own pride and self-will against God.  I became angry with God and told Him that if He was allowing things to happen this way then He must not even be there.  The problem is I was lying to myself.  My heart knows God in a personal way.  He has walked with me since I was a young boy.  I cannot deny His presence in my life.  But does that mean I know He is there in an intellectual way?  Not exactly.  I couldn’t prove God to you and this was my battle—I had set out to prove God to myself.  I was testing God and telling Him what I thought He should be doing.

The issue is I was going through these terrible uncontrollable mood swings.  I would get thrown into these deep depression spells that seemed to have no trigger.  They started months ago and had become increasingly more consistent to the point that it was happening multiple times a week, for a day or two at a time.  I almost considered going to see a psychologist.    Looking back at how uncontrollable this was I seriously think it may have been demonic influences and dark forces trying to steal my joy in Christ.  The problem I had with defeating this battle is instead of trusting in God’s word to get me through it, I turned it against Him and blamed Him, doubting His word.

At the point of writing this I have not had one of these depression spells in almost a month and I really believe I was cured and delivered by God.  How did it happen?  By giving up.  I gave up on the complex of having to intellectually understand how God works.  I gave up on trying to prove God’s existence to myself.   I was driving and heard a song on the radio that said “What do I stand for? Some nights I don’t know.”  I said to myself, “I don’t know and that’s ok.”  I was referring to knowing intellectually if God exists or not.  Suddenly a wave of peace and calming swept over me.  I felt a load of weight released from my shoulders.  It was the first time I felt the Holy Spirit in quite some time and it came from admitting my own intellectual doubt of God’s existence.

It’s ok to say “I don’t know.”  It’s ok to be honest with yourself and your doubts.  It’s ok to be you.  We believe by faith and not sight.  My heart is much further along in my faith than my intellect and God knows this.  I am finite and He is infinite.  I am not God and neither are you…  It’s ok. He understands this and loves you far more than you will ever understand.  Take a deep breath in and exhale slowly.  Whisper His name for He is near!  Hope lives and His name is Jesus!

I rise before the dawning of the morning, and cry for help; I hope in Your word. -Psalm 119:147

The Double-Minded Man

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If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. –James 1:5-8

I have been on a search lately striving for a stronger faith, but the problem is faith cannot be forced.  We cannot wake up one day and say, “today I have strong faith.”  It’s not so much a choice I’ve found but a gift from God that usually comes as the outcome of my experiences.  Of course there are those that say to be weary of basing your faith all on experiences, but if we can’t experience God then what is the Bible about?  It is an entire book of experiences.  We believers long for these experiences—these little tastes of heaven.  Just a brush of God’s fingers across my back can rejuvenate me and fill me up to be ready to face to the world.

The problem is when I go through these spiritual dry spells, lacking experiences, the doubting and “big questions” start to take me over.  My brain flips on it’s God given, instinctual philosophical thinking.  I begin to analyze everything and postmodernism begins to eat at my faith.   “One’s perception of truth is all subjective” they say…   Well, by definition there can only be one truth to our existence and every person by nature has to have a worldview on the way they perceive life.  I suppose postmodernism is just being honest with ourselves, admitting that we can never be absolutely sure that our worldview is correct.    Whatever our worldview is—whether theism or atheism, creationism or evolution, Buddhist or nihilist—we all place a certain amount of faith into our perception of truth.

I have felt quite unstable lately.  I have become “the double-minded man.”  Christianity teaches honesty but when I am honest with myself about my doubts I have trouble conforming all my beliefs to Western Christianity.  I have prayed to God to help me through it.  I have cried out to hear back from Him but I have not been getting anything in reply.  I wish I could turn off my mind and just enjoy the simple things of life but I have become obsessed with the unseen.  Socrates said “the unexamined life is not worth living” but I’m not so sure I agree with him.  I think I would side more with whoever first said, “Ignorance is bliss.” When I was a child I didn’t think so philosophically and I just enjoyed things for what they were.   Perhaps that ‘s what Jesus meant when he said “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.”  By striving to find meaning in life do we completely miss it?

Deflated but Not Defeated

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Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us,
But to Your name give glory,
Because of Your mercy,
Because of Your truth.
-Psalm 115:1

I am deflated, but not defeated.

I fall, but He picks me up.

The man who knows it all is caught in his own deception.

We can never know all that is our God.

He is so far beyond our comprehension.

I yearn for more.

I long for my greater purpose.

I try to rush my destiny, but God is not in a hurry.

I do my best to be still, though it is quite hard.

My best is never good enough… for me that is.

But to Him, all I hear is:

“Come to Me my child. I AM what you are looking for.”

Love the Struggle

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Joy in Forgiveness of Israel’s (my) Sins

Praise the LORD!

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.
–Psalm 106:1

It has been just over a year since I made the decision to accept the call of God as an adult.  This past year has had more ups and downs than any other year of my life.  In my pursuit of God I have moved across the country, met many new people, switched jobs a few times and completed a semester of Bible College.  I’ve had many different struggles—some spiritual, some mental, some physical (body, mind, soul) and some all three.  To be honest sometimes I hate the struggle and ask myself, “What am I doing here?”

I recently had a very clear call from God to ministry.  Immediately after Satan’s wretched arrows begin to sting like hell—literally.  I have been under spiritual assault from the enemy for the last month.  He is trying to rob my joy and sanity.  He is trying every trick in the book to convince me to question the word of God—and often to question the existence of God at all.  He tells me I don’t deserve the favor of God and that I am not worthy of God’s grace.  And you know what? He’s right.  I don’t deserve the favor of God and I am not worthy of God’s grace but that does not mean God’s grace for me does not exist.

Time and time again the Lord has reminded me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”  Thank God He is strong because there have been times this last month that I have felt weaker than ever before.  I have realized that I literally cannot fight any battles alone.  I myself am not capable of beating these struggles—but yet I set out on my own again and again.  We are very predictable creatures.  We never learn from other’s mistakes.  We insist on learning from our own experiences.   This is our human nature—to be curious and yearning for new experiences.  We are not satisfied with complacency even when in a place of peace.  I am not satisfied with one little taste of the Lord’s grace.  I cannot sit and be fine with the grace I experienced last year, and so I ask again, I seek again, I knock again.  I pursue God.  The struggle comes when I am pursuing God and thinking I’m doing everything right but not seeing the results I am expecting.  God does not work that way.  One thing I’ve learned is that if you’re expecting God to work one way then you can almost always expect it to happen differently.   This is life—it never goes according to our plans, it goes according to His plan.  Peace will be found when we accept this:

Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. –Proverbs 3:5

I recently heard it said, “Don’t hate the struggle; love the struggle because the struggle means you’re His.”  As long as we are being used for the furtherance of the Kingdom there is going to be a struggle.  There will be a struggle because hell is not happy when we grow up or mature spiritually and get closer to God.  Love the struggle!  Giving up is easy but giving up is not what we were made for.  It’s not who we are.  We are His!  We are the children of God.  Raise your hands and give thanks for though we fail again and again the Father’s love for us endures forever!

So He led them through the depths,
As through the wilderness.
 He saved them from the hand of him who hated them,
And redeemed them from the hand of the enemy.
-Psalm 106:9-10

Deliver Us!

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Do not lead us into temptation but deliver us from the evil one. –Matthew 6:13

I can see it in the air. The smoke is thick.  Demonic forces have attacked and damage has been done, but there are those of us who still stand.  Deliver us Lord, deliver us!  Victory is on the horizon and hell is not happy.  Don’t give up.  Do not give up.  The Lord our God is with you.  Discernment is the word I hear.  Lord, please bless us with the discernment we so desperately need—true godly discernment!

There’s so much chaos and disorder.  What am I to do Lord? “Be still” God says.  “Be still and know that I am God.”  I know others are feeling the same.  The enemy will try to single us out to make you think as if you are fighting a lone battle but it’s a lie!  You are not alone.  We are here with you—your brothers and sisters in Christ.  God is here with you and He will deliver us.

And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.” –Deuteronomy 31:8

To Die is Gain

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We do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. -2 Corinthians 4:18

There’s a popular song that says, “Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.” I was listening to this song the other day and thought to myself, “Is that the case for me?” Of course everyone wants to go to heaven but perhaps the more accurate thought by many would be, “If there is a heaven I hope I go there.” I think one of the reasons so many are afraid to die is uncertainty. Death is something every human being faces. It can appear very scary to some. The thought of no longer existing is terrifying and quite absurd to be honest. If we die and become as nothing then our entire life has lost any meaning. Your actions and impact on earth may live on and your life may have meaning to those that still exist, but any meaning that your life holds to you personally will be lost forever if we simply go into a state of inexistence. Isn’t that the most absurd thought? We work our whole lives gaining knowledge, love, experiences, impacting others—some positively and some negatively—and all just to die? Its chaos and makes no sense. No wonder we have a depression epidemic.

Contemplating the lyric to that song has made me think of my own life and my own thoughts towards death. I’ve realized there is some truth to this saying in my life. I don’t want to die, but it’s not because of uncertainty. I am not afraid of death. I can honestly tell you that death has lost its sting. If the Lord chose to take me today then that would be great—for me. It would not however be good for my wife, mother, sister, brothers and friends who would grieve my death. It would also not be good because I hope to be used more by God, and if I were to die today then the only true meaning and purpose that could be accomplished through my life on earth would be over. So for these reasons I do not want to die but I do look forward to the day when I can be with the Lord.

For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life. Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. -2 Corinthians 5:4-5

It is not my time yet and I know this because the Lord has given me prophetic dreams and visions of the future. So I excitedly await these times, but patiently remain in the current season diligently seeking the Lord, and trying my best to learn what He is teaching me. I did not post in the last ten days or so because I have just been enjoying His rest. It’s been somewhat of a vacation from my analytical mind the Lord has blessed me with. It’s been nice. I actually felt normal for a week or so… (if there is any such thing as normal?) I have been learning to live in grace. To live in grace does not mean life is a continual mountain top spiritual experience, it means we have Jesus to take up our yoke with us. He offers help and peace in those anxious life moments—including our failures. I feel that I have been finding balance in my spiritual life. I am however aware to be cautious of complacency and so…

I ask again, I seek again, I knock again.

Lord you are so good words cannot describe. I ask today Father, please give us a taste of heaven so we can be revived and rejuvenated to go out and live your will for our lives. I pray for any reading that you would bring them into your peace and rest, that death would lose it’s sting and they might truly put on the heavenly mindset of “to live is Christ and to die is gain.” May your kingdom come and your will be done in Jesus name.